In a meeting filled with many familiar voices and confident phrases and statements, it’s easy to believe that what’s being said tells the whole story. But during a recent meeting, I noticed a colleague who speaks often but states they don’t always feel heard.. sitting straight up, almost perfect posture, eyes drifting to their hand written notes each time a comment was made by others that was framed as “already decided on.” Eye brows raised in a way that indicates they have more questions but don’t see the point in asking. While the conversation moved forward, their body language told a different story: hesitation, concern, and perhaps a sense that their perspective didn’t have value. Nothing in their silence suggested agreement; it suggested restraint. Paying attention to those non-verbal cues made it clear that an important viewpoint was present, just not being voiced. Sometimes when our co-workers say they don’t feel valued or heard, it isn’t because they weren’t invited into the conversation. It is a reflection that their communication style wasn’t understood by those around them; amidst us proceeding through the agenda, we sometimes leave people behind for the sake of “managing the meeting.” While fully unintentional, it represents a missed opportunity to show understanding and openness.
After the meeting, I followed up privately, naming what I had observed and inviting their thoughts. What emerged was an underheard perspective—one shaped by prior experiences and real constraints they didn’t feel safe raising in the group setting. By later amplifying that perspective in a follow-up conversation, and framing it as a necessary addition rather than a challenge, the group gained a fuller understanding of the issue at hand. Being attentive to non-verbal signals allowed the untold story to be acknowledged, respected, and shared. Listening in meetings is just as much about watching as it is about hearing.
