I was recently blessed to become a mom to a wonderful little boy.
I knew that becoming a mother meant that I would have to give up some of the finer things I enjoyed. Like sleep! Especially sleep! What I didn’t know was how much I would gain in becoming a mother.
I have always been a Type A personality, to a fault at times. The best part about children is their lack of concern about the plans you make.
My son does not care if I was planning to wear a certain outfit to work. He is more than happy to spit up all over my clothes. This reminds me to be flexible.
My son does not tell me exactly what he needs but instead cries for everything, i.e. food, diaper, pain, etc. This forces me to listen carefully to his cries. There are subtle differences that can be made if I choose to enact good listening skills.
My son reminds me that setting small goals and enjoying the moment is important. Since some days I feel very accomplished if I can take a shower.
My son has also shown me that I can be gentle, kind, and loving. These are all things that I felt like I was lacking prior to his arrival. I feel blessed to be a mother and I am excited for the life lessons I will learn as parent.
Adding small doses of daily kindness to GCC and the world in general is a dream of mine. I’d like to offer some explicit, easy, painless examples of how we can all increase kindness on a daily basis. Imagine how a collective effort of small actions could impact our lives. Gratitude and kindness are powerful ideas. See if you can incorporate one of the following suggestions into your super-busy daily schedule and notice the win-win feeling.
- While walking on campus, make a daily effort to notice on a pleasant sight. Examples: “Wow, that display in the student union is amazing.” Or “The roses are beautiful.” Usually, we might just think this thought and forget it. Take it a step further and send a quick email to recognize someone’s hard work. Email the department or individual responsible. The key is to be mindful and have an intention to recognize the positive.
- Acknowledge the success of others. Congratulate a faculty member or student who has succeed. Acknowledgments don’t have to be mushy compliments. Just recognizing the effort or outcome is enough.
- Even a semi-specific question to spark a quick dialogue conveys kindness and caring. Ask someone while you’re waiting in line for coffee or lunch “So how’s your semester going?” You might be surprised at the amount of enthusiasm that is returned to your inquiry.
Try to find opportunities to be kind to yourself and others. It’s easy to walk around campus on auto-pilot. Experience the present moment. See if you notice anything that brings a split second of joy.
Back when I taught computer graphics and web design courses, I would introduce my students to this concept by drawing quadrants on the whiteboard during the second week of class:
I was trying to introduce them to the idea that sometimes you aren’t aware when you don’t know something. And that in class they should work to become aware of what they don’t know (conscious of incompetence), and then practice until they became skilled at something previously unknown (conscious & competent).
One student’s explanation of unconscious incompetence: “When you didn’t even know something was a thing.”
When I am in a situation I find difficult, if I’m honest, there is usually something I don’t know, and it’s impacting my ability to skillfully handle the difficulty. I find it useful to try and identify what I’m unconscious of and see if it’s a skill I need to build. I’ve started thinking of the quadrants as a model of learning progression, starting with ignorance and ending with the mastery of a skill:
- Unconscious Incompetence: You are unaware of the skill and your lack of proficiency
- Conscious Incompetence: You are aware of the skill and your lack of proficiency
- Consciously Competent: You are able to use that skill, but only with effort
- Unconsciously Competent: Performing the skill becomes automatic
If I can become aware of a skill that I lack, this model is the way out of a difficult situation, though often over time, since practice is usually required to become consciously competent. Still, it really helps in terms of moving forward. Maybe you can use it, too.
Since my hero Austin Kleon writes in bullet points, I think I will too. Here are a few thoughts about dealing with difficult situations in a positive way.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- The Four Agreements is a tiny book filled with enormous wisdom.
- Take Away Message: Don’t take anything personally.
- “Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me.” Great quote from Chapter 3, page 48.
- Avoid the urge to be right and make everyone else wrong.
- Bottom Line: In a difficult situation, don’t take it personally because everyone lives in their own reality. Their anger is about them, not you. Even if they say something ugly, that’s their ugliness. Don’t make it yours too.
Unconditional Positive Regard, a concept developed by the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers.
- Try to accept and support others without passing judgment.
- Starting from a point of unconditional positive regard will probably improve any situation.
If all else fails, lighten your mood.
- Imagine your current difficult situation is happening in a sitcom.
- Think about a silly sign. Here are a few examples: