I could tell “Sally” was struggling. Fifteen minutes into the exam, she asked if we could make it an open book test. I said “no”. She hunkered down and got back to work. Another 15 minutes passed and she asked if we could make it a group exam. That window had passed. I said “no”. She got back to work. Then she asked specific questions about the exam problems. I gave a hint that I had hoped would point her in the right direction, but to no avail. The struggle continued. The 75-minute exam period was a long one, not only for her, but also for me as I watched everyone eventually file out of the room except for Sally. Alone in the room with time about to expire, she raised her hand and gestured me to the back of the room where she was working. I thought “finally, she is going to turn in her exam and leave.” As I approached her, I said, “Are you finished?” as I reached for the exam. She said “no” and clenched the exam to her chest. “What can I help you with?” I replied. She didn’t reply. She stared at me with a glare I could not interpret. I now know the glare was part curiosity, part mercy, and part insinuation. Slowly, painstakingly slow it seemed to me, she pulled the exam away from her chest, and there it was staring me in the face.

At this point in the story when I told my dean and my work wife about the incident, they both assumed she had exposed her bosom to me as an indication of exchanging sexual favors for a passing grade on the exam. They were wrong—but close. What was staring me in the face was a $100 bill attached to the exam. The intention was the same. At the time, I guess the going rate for an “A” on the exam was a hundred bucks.

I immediately explained to Sally that the offer was unacceptable behavior. She got the point and submitted the exam (after removing the Benjamin) and left. I reported the incident to my dean. I documented the incident and reported it to the dean of students.

I guess I can partially blame myself. As part of my self-deprecating humor in the classroom, I would always refer to myself as poor because I only earned a mere schoolteacher’s salary. I guess Sally missed the sarcasm and assumed her offer would be mutually beneficial. I have not used that joke since this incident.

I often wonder what would have happened had I accepted the bribe. Would another c-note appear every exam? Would Sally try this tactic in all her classes? Would I have sent the message that this was an acceptable method for conducting future business? I still wonder what kind of upbringing or environment led Sally to believe bribery was acceptable. I wonder even more why community college students are carrying around $100 bills!

In the end Sally turned out to be a pretty good student. When she applied herself, she did well. For the remainder of the semester, I pretended nothing happened that day which allowed us to carry on a relationship befitting a student and her instructor. On the inside I was distraught. To this day, that was the most uncomfortable I have ever felt in the classroom. I dreaded going to that class in fear of a repeat incident.  But time heals all wounds. I feel like I should have some profound learning experience from this incident, but I do not. Maybe I learned that one should expect the unexpected in the classroom. Maybe I learned that you cannot prepare for the unexpected. Maybe I simply learned that integrity is always the best response.  

Challenges are part of teaching. Regardless of how many hours goes into lesson planning, difficulties will happen. The key to navigating rough water is owning the truth.

As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, one of the toughest lessons I learned is that I will not make everyone happy—it is impossible. Therefore, I try own my humanness.  

From day one, I try to be open about what others have to say and make it clear, I do not have all the answers. If I do not know the answer, I look it up; if I make a mistake, I admit to it and make it right.  This is such a simple philosophy, but it makes a difference.

Students quickly learn that by me being honest and owning my own mistakes, it makes me more approachable, especially when there are challenges.  And when those challenges arise, I make sure that if it is something within my control, I never hold the students accountable for it.

At the end of the day, how can I hold them accountable, if I do not publicly hold myself accountable?

Some days I feel like I have everything under control, and some days I feel like I have been sucked into a vortex of everyone else’s problems that have suddenly become mine.

I do three things. Smile, breathe and listen. I know it sounds too simple, but it really helps!

Smile. Just a half smile, so you don’t scare people. The smile releases endorphins and tricks your body into relaxation. It gives a sense of personal control, a feeling of “I’ve got this!”

Breathe. Take a few deep breaths to connect your mind and body. As you breathe in, take your time and feel your belly rise. Allow your lungs to absorb the oxygen, and then exhale fully. Repeat three or four times and scan your body for tension as you breathe.
Breathing pulls you into the present moment and prevents you from dwelling on the past or fearing the unknown future.

Listen. The reason that there is a problem is because you don’t yet have a solution. The solution can only found when you have all the facts and you have listened to all perspectives with an open mind and heart. Listen to a variety of people that you respect so you can hear some non-biased perspectives. We generally listen with a filter or a specific lens due to our innate biases. You have to remove these roadblocks to gain a clearer understanding.

Take some time away from the situation and let your heart and mind get to work without your cognitive influences. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, swim, lift weights, do yoga or pilates, nap, listen to music or just get a good night’s sleep.

Not all problems can be solved this way, but it is worth a try. It does not cost anything and it will help you build a positive habit that will help you in the future.